Stretching fast from the last horizon
To the next, sprinkling stardust lanes
Across the veins of sullen separation
Deep green forest vines entwine and
Wind down along the wayward way
Your hair flows like currents of golden
Air, your ringèd fingers slender on the
Taut, glimmering and ringing steel strings
Of a silver and glass harp, the notes like
Honeycomb dripping to lull these heavy
Eyes to their solemn repose; I suppose
It's all another dream of life after death
With gay leprechauns waltzing in the
Wings among towering toadstools while I
And yes, yes you, too, yes you, go floating
By on a green leaf boat to cross across
The rude dragon-swimming moat to the
Shining crystal palace on the further side
Where burdens subside and all your wishes
And mine happily, finally, at last conclude
20090716
Leaf Boat
Copyright © 2009 Ernest Bloom.
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"Sprinkling stardust lanes across the veins of sullen separation." Good Lord, where shall I begin? The lanes/veins internal rhyming was a nice touch. The "s" alliteration throughout this line added a quiet serenity to the piece that I loved. The 'stardust lanes' part is my favourite--such divine imagery!
ReplyDelete"Your ringed fingers." Love the accent. Love the elegant fingers imagery. Mmm hmm, very nice indeed.
I adored the internal rhyming and alliterations. They added such energy and emotion, not to mention the aesthetic appeal of course. Lanes- veins, sullen seperation etc. They stand out from the poem and adorn nearly every line, giving a tempo and edge to the tone, propelling the reader forward.
ReplyDeleteIt's wonderful that you added the notion of all these images being just another dream of life after death- this really caught me off guard and it's a superb twist. I was really hooked from the beginning but this line made me even more anxious to read on.
The gay leprechauns somehow are adorable, really and I commend your use of the word 'gay', which is an ever beautiful expression in my reckoning but the less educated or foreigners find the modern use of this excessively funny and guffaw at such 'archaisms'.
The ending is just perfect, what can be more fitting for a poem's finale than actually using it's structural significance to emphasize a conclusion of its own in the literary world. It's like hunting two birds down at the same time. Overall, I cannot express how this work touched my sense of the aesthetics and my soul simply sang along with the beatific melodies you've weaved into this piece. Really, there is nothing to say. Every line is cleverly and elegantly constructed, nothing feels superficial, the alliteration and occasional rhymes add vigor to the work and the idyllic images truly are divine and a true medicine to the soul and heart. This may not be as complex plot-wise as your usual pieces, but then, it's exceedingly more touching and artful than those. I would love to see more of this 'genre', if you will, it's a real joy to read.
i wrote this quickly last night long after i should have gone to bed; mostly already unconscious, and today i kind of marvel at the rhymes myself. i knew this was the sort of thing louis has been wanting me to write. . . .i scarcely know what 'it's about,' but in a way it's a natural and necessary next step after 'new kaleidoscope medicine,' although i'm certain no one else would think so. . . .as for use of the word 'gay,' i believe at first i had no adjective there, and when i thought of adding it i meant it initially in the original, anachronistic sense, and then i thought i didn't care what sense it was taken to mean, whatever, it was just fine as it was and i wouldn't remove it or alter it. we writers must insist that words mean whatever we intend that we mean and nothing more or less, although readers are certainly free to do the same. . . .an idyll, yes. personally, i'm doubtful of the last word, which instead might have been more along the lines of 'come true,' but we'll let it stand as is. . . .i'm intending on taking my writing in a new direction, at least for a while, beginning with 'new kaliedoscope medicine,' and we'll have to see how it all goes.
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